While we seem to have been doing alright enough on our own for the last few million years, the fact of the matter is that modern man is having more and more trouble in the dating arena than ever before.
There are a million and one different variables that contribute to this serious problem – things like the advent of technology and the loss of face to face social interaction, an ever disappearing traditional role of the modern man, and a general anxiety that drives too many of us into fear and anxiety rather into the loving arms of someone from the opposite sex.
The numbers don’t lie – less and less people are going out on “dates” and getting married until much, much later in life – and but then their skills have rusted to the point of being unusable and too many are forced into settling for the kind of life they never dreamed of.
This is a serious epidemic that is crushing the souls of men all over the world, and even some women are starting to feel the shift. Dating is one of the most important and rewarding things we can do in our modern world, and we need to be able to do it competently and with an air of confidence or we will continue to see our choices limited and be forced to lead less than happy lives.
And though the entire process is more complex than most would acknowledge, the simple act of mastering what to say at the right time can be a massive benefit to the overall results a person can expect to receive. While most people spend days, weeks, months – even years! – trying to master just the right thing to say at just the right moment to create the kind of passionate relationship that they’ve been looking for, the truth is that much more powerful results can be achieved if you make a simple mindset shift, and choose to focus on fundamentals instead of tactics.
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There are many different schools of thought that would tell you a million different ways to talk to women successfully, but the crushing reality of the situation is that you don’t need to spend so much time focusing on this stuff in the first place. I know it sounds all little cliché and corny, but the less time you spend focusing on the exact words you need to say at just the right times the more success you’ll enjoy.
You see, it’s impossible to script every interaction that you’re going to have with women, and even if you could you’d still need superhuman skills of acting to come off anything less than stilted. You need to stay in the flow and be as fluid as possible when talking to girls, especially attractive ones – the moment you treat them any different is the moment you give up whatever leverage you had in the first place and you become just another lump of clay for them to manipulate.
That being said, there are still some foundational things you can use to boost your chances of staying in the flow and attracting women, tools that you can almost instantly use to jump start your results. I’m not going to give you scripts and lines to say whenever you see a hot blonde from across the room – the icebreaking is still on you – but I will give you a peak into what top seducers use to drive girls crazy.
These simple little tricks are things that most guys either do the exact opposite of (to disastrous results) or are blindly and sadly ignorant of. You might find all about these techniques and methods in great dating system called The Tao of Badass by Mr. Pellicer. Powerful techniques on the surface, if you are able to integrate them into your personality and really unlock the power of them you’ll have no problem talking to and attracting women of all kinds forever.
If you’re after the kinds of hard core tactics that can change the course of a date as well as the mindset to succeed with women anywhere, this is the part of the article you cannot afford to ignore.
When it comes to finding the right words to say while out on a date, the most important thing you can do is shut up and listen
If you are struggling things to talk about when you are out on a date, the best thing you can do is just shut up and listen. Too many guys get it in their head that they need to be talking nonstop or they’ll seem uninterested (or even worse, uninteresting), but the reality is that this will make you seem more attractive.
You see, women don’t want to hear someone drone on and one about how awesome they are – or how awesome they aren’t – but will have an absolutely blast talking about themselves. If you shift the conversation towards the things that they want to talk about (while giving themselves the chance to share information with you that you can use later) then you need to make sure you are giving them every single opportunity to speak. Don’t ever cut them off and make sure you ask leading questions – never something that can be answered with a yes or a no.
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Take interest in what they are talking about, ask engaging questions, and always be an active listener. Just because you aren’t talking as much doesn’t mean you have to zone out our check out the scores of the game over her shoulder – you should still be a live wire when she flips the conversation to you – but you need to understand that the more you talk the more you are turning her off. Shut up and listen – really listen – and you’ll be able to seduce any woman, anywhere, at any time.
If you find yourself in a lull or an awkward silence, let her fill it – this is the key to creating real sexual tension
There are going to be lulls in the conversation, especially with someone that you’ve just met. And while most guys will rush to fill this empty space with as much conversation as humanly possible (and in the meantime making themselves look like fools), the true art of building and creating sexual tension is to let these moments happen until she pushes to pop the bubble.
These awkward pauses are a benefit to men like us – they give us the chance to calibrate and determine just how into us a woman is. If she rushes to fill the whole with conversation, she’s probably big time into you – but even if she leaves it sit you still have a chance to get back in the game. These spots are filled with dynamic tension – both of you are on high alert, and if you can show here that the lull in the conversation doesn’t bother you, in fact you embrace it, she can see that you are a man of purpose and confidence. These are the kinds of things you are looking to demonstrate at all times, and will give you the edge over guys that gush like Niagara Falls.
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Of course, it would be next to impossible to woo a woman just anywhere and the uncomfortable truth of the matter is that too many dates take place in locations that aren’t advantageous for seduction – make sure you are picking the right kind of dates ahead of time
The other major problem that people deal with when they are out on a date is that the venues that are chosen are not exactly primed for seduction – everyone has been to a million and one different dinner and a movie nights that end up with a walk to the door and a kiss on the cheek, and the luster has worn off.
The worst thing you can do to seduce a woman is to look like every other idiot out there, so you need to be bold with your date locations – not so bold that you freak her out, and not too crazy that you show a world of interest before she has any skin in the game, but a venue that lets you both get into one another without a lot of pressure or ridged constructs.
Pick a date that brings a lot of completion and closeness to the table
If you’re looking for new ideas of building the perfect date, keep this in mind – one of the best ways to drive attraction through the roof (as well as bonding and some playful banter) is to choose a date that has some built in competition and forces you to be close to one another. Whether you choose to compete against each other or against the world is totally up to you – though you can really bond when you are helping each other take on a combined enemy – but when you are able to raise the stakes (Even artificially) the date becomes something more.
People in general are already looking for ways to show off in our modern world, and when you are able to build this in to your dates you are positioning yourself as someone she should show off for – making you more and more attractive with very little work. The more physical the challenge (you might not want to choose something out of either one of your leagues and breaking a sweat before the end of the night might be a bad idea) the better, and when you can add some small stakes to the bet you can ramp up the playfulness through the roof.
Wine tastings and the like are amazing opportunities to have a great time and a little outside of the box
There are other methods of demonstrating that you are a worthy man than just going full out physically, and one of the best ways to show your cultured and playful side is to go to a wine tasting. It would be tough to find a woman that didn’t want to take a jump up to a winery and see how things are made, and this definitely scores some points on the creative side.
The only thing you want to be absolutely certain of in this position though is not coming off as a wine snob – even if you bleed red wine tone things down a bit, no woman loves a man that has to know everything about everything. Go along with the flow and act like you know nothing about the process if you have to, but whatever you do don’t drop informational tidbits or try to show how knowledgeable you are – it will instantly come off as try hard and make you look less and less attractive in the long haul.
Even if your little lady doesn’t drink these can be fantastic trips to enjoy wine country scenery and really take things in, and I’ve yet to meet a girl that would like to buy a couple of bottles even just for gifts. These kinds of dates can have instant impact, and should be leveraged at every chance you get.
Never, ever – ever! – go to the moves on a first date – in fact, even going out to dinner can be a terrible idea
And while wine tasting or vineyard dates are right up there at the top when it comes to creativity and fun, one of the staples of high school dating has got to be the worst – dinner and a movie. The most unoriginal, overplayed, unexciting date idea in the history of ever, there are fewer things worse than sitting silently next to a girl for a couple of hours while watching other people get it on (or get shot).
These dates cripple communication and crush your personality, forcing you to rely on the few moments of interaction you get to steer the date in the right direction. There’s no need to handicap yourself like this – make sure you choose something else for the venue of a first date and save the movies for when you know someone for a lot longer than a couple of hours.
Further reading on the topic of first date ideas and conversation topics:
- Top 10: First Date Ideas – AskMen
- 21 First Date Ideas – Lifehack
- Top 50 Amazing First Date Ideas to Wow your Date! – Lovepanky