“A man’s got to do, what a man’s got to do.” That’s how the saying goes, and whether we like it or not, there really are things that males must do no matter how hard it is.
And perhaps nothing is more difficult than trying to get out of a relationship that is not working anymore. Breakups can be because of a variety of reasons. Yet, either way, severing the relationship cleanly is much better as compared to the alternatives like cheating or staying as a couple even if one or both of you are no longer happy.
Oftentimes, it’s the females who have the responsibility when doing breakups. However, what if it’s the guy that wants to get out of the relationship?
There are some rules of engagement as to how men should break up with their lovers without looking like a jerk in front of her ex, as well as her families and friends.
First and foremost, be honest without revealing the whole truth. As they say, the truth hurts, but there’s no reason to further aggravate the heartbreak by bringing out all the skeletons in the closet. Be frank, but also be sensitive about her feelings. There’s no need to come up with far-fetched alibis as to why you’re breaking up with her, and your ex would really appreciate the honesty once she gets over the initial heartbreak. You have to be extra careful in case she is deeply in love with you, for example if you used techniques from The Tao System of Badass.
Also, there’s really no need to sugarcoat everything. Saying things like “You’re a great girl” or “I will always love you” are great if said once or twice, but don’t make your breakup speech revolve around those points. If done incorrectly, you’re going to look like you’re basically just trying to console her while going around the fact that you’re actually hurting her by breaking up with her. Besides, if she’s such a great girl, then why would you want to get out of the relationship in the first place?
Next, talk about the new set of rules that will define your new relationship, if any. Do you want to stay as friends? Or would you act as if you are mere acquaintances or strangers? Defining these lines are important so that neither side would expect anything. Of course, sticking to these boundaries is very important, as well. Breaking up with your ex and then calling her up for a date a few days later would not only confuse her, but open wounds that have not yet healed completely, as well.
The next step is to give her ample space to recover. If you are living together, then it would be wise to move out of the house for a while, or even for good, if you can afford it. Don’t text or call her for a couple of days, at least until the situation had time to sink in, and also to her some time to grieve and recover. If she is the one that calls you, then by all means, do not ignore her. Otherwise, it would only seem that you are bitter towards the relationship.
Still, learn to set boundaries, as what was mentioned in the previous paragraph. If she’s calling you multiple times, or at the dead of night, or at work, then you should gently but firmly tell her that, like her, you’re also trying to move on, and that it would be healthy for the both of you to stay out of each other’s way for a bit.
The last advice should be done after the breakup. As much as possible, avoid talking about the relationship with friends or family, especially those who also know your ex. Of course, it’s rude to say bad things about your ex after the relationship, but as much as possible, do not talk about why you broke up at all, at least until the first few days or weeks. It’ only the gentlemanly thing to do, and you would certainly appreciate it if your ex returns the favor to you by not badmouthing you to her close friends. With women, that could be pretty much expected, but with guys, that’s a definite no-no.
Aside from that, refrain from going out and dating until after about a month has passed. This goes for flirting in social media, or posting pictures of you having fun and enjoying the single life, or even with your new girl. Even if you don’t feel it, at least give the image that you are hurt as much as your ex feels. This way, you would indirectly make your ex feel that you are also affected by the breakup and is also spending your time recovering, making her recover that much faster in the process.
Breakups are a very ugly thing, and most men do not have the subtlety or decorum to do it properly. Thus, breakups coming from men tend to be alibis for people who have found someone else, at least in the eyes of women. However, this is sometimes not the case. Still, regardless of the reason for wanting to break up with your lover, do it in such a way that is sensitive but final. Convey all your reasons but also keep in mind that you are hurting someone that you love, or used to love, so there’s really no reason to aggravate the pain further by making things uglier than they are.
It takes a certain kind of class and finesse for men to do breakups properly. However, by abiding by the tips mentioned above, hopefully you would be able to get through this nasty process pretty much unscathed, and you would still be able to preserve some kind of relationship with the woman that has been a special part of your life, no matter how brief. Still, expect the worst, and prepare yourself for some possible backlash by friends, family, or from the girl itself. In any case, you’ve tried the best you can and it’s time to move on, and moving on, for both your sakes, is really what matters most.
Further reading on the topic of break up advice:
- 7 Breakup Tips For A Broken Relationship – AskMen
- 10 Tips to Survive a Break-up | Psychology Today
- Best Break Up Advice for Men – Dealing with Breakups – Esquire